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How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation Paperback – 2 Dec. 2002

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 182 ratings

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Why is the gap so great between our hopes, our intentions, even our decisions-and what we are actually able to bring about? Even when we are able to make important changes-in our own lives or the groups we lead at work-why are the changes are so frequently short-lived and we are soon back to business as usual? What can we do to transform this troubling reality?

In this intensely practical book, Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey take us on a carefully guided journey designed to help us answer these very questions. And not just generally, or in the abstract. They help each of us arrive at our own particular answers that can solve the puzzling gap between what we intend and what we are able to accomplish. How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work provides you with the tools to create a powerful new build-it-yourself mental technology.

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From the Inside Flap

"In this simple brilliant book, Kegan and Lahey not only deal with the how of transformation . . .they deal with the most central issue of all: How and why people (and organizations) are committed to not changing. . . a must-read for all individuals and organizations that truly wish to grow into their own greater possibilities."
Ken Wilber, author, Integral Psychology

"A genuinely 21st century book! Kegan and Lahey create a dynamic alternative to merely coasting on the momentum of the information age. Why do we know so much and yet so little lasting change actually occurs— in ourselves and in our organizations? This book doesn't just answer the question. It shows us a way out of the problem."
Michael Murphy, founder, Esalen Institute and author of The Future of the Body

"Leaders trying to 'drive change' miss the deeper forces that might naturally enable it, forces which Kegan and Lahey reveal powerfully and practically."
Peter Senge, author, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization

"Lucid, accessible, and immensely satisfying, this provocative book is plainly the product of a very deep understanding of why people behave the way they do. . . . an approach to change that is at once systematic and humane. . . . Breakthrough thinking. . . compelling and inspiring."
Tony Schwartz, contributing editor, Fast Company, and author, What Really Matters

From the Back Cover

"In this simple brilliant book, Kegan and Lahey not only deal with the how of transformation . . .they deal with the most central issue of all: How and why people (and organizations) are committed to not changing. . . a must-read for all individuals and organizations that truly wish to grow into their own greater possibilities."
Ken Wilber, author, Integral Psychology

"A genuinely 21st century book! Kegan and Lahey create a dynamic alternative to merely coasting on the momentum of the information age. Why do we know so much and yet so little lasting change actually occurs― in ourselves and in our organizations? This book doesn't just answer the question. It shows us a way out of the problem."
Michael Murphy, founder, Esalen Institute and author of The Future of the Body

"Leaders trying to 'drive change' miss the deeper forces that might naturally enable it, forces which Kegan and Lahey reveal powerfully and practically."
Peter Senge, author, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization

"Lucid, accessible, and immensely satisfying, this provocative book is plainly the product of a very deep understanding of why people behave the way they do. . . . an approach to change that is at once systematic and humane. . . . Breakthrough thinking. . . compelling and inspiring."
Tony Schwartz, contributing editor, Fast Company, and author, What Really Matters

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Jossey-Bass; 1st edition (2 Dec. 2002)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 078796378X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0787963781
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 15.24 x 2.03 x 22.61 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 182 ratings

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4.5 out of 5 stars
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Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 4 February 2016
  • Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 February 2002
    I've been interested in Gregory Bateson, ever since I came into contact with his work when I studied NLP. I'm still intrigued to find out how exactly he approached science, how he thought about doing scientific work. While this book gives the reader an acceptable overview of Gregory Bateson's roots and his life, I was particularly disappointed with the section discussing his life since 1970, the year he gave the Korzybski memorial lecture. In these last 10 years of his live he published "Steps to an ecology of mind" (1972), "Mind and Nature (1977) and "Where Angels fear to Tread". Paradoxally, this author only met Bateson in 1971 and must have more details about these 10 last years, during which Bateson taught at the University of California at Santa Cruz (1972-1979) and influenced a whole generation of students at the Kresge College. These last 10 years of his life only get some 25 pages from this author. In contrast, the history of his family and youth get over 100 pages. Also, for someone who has had the chance to meet Bateson extensively in order to write this biography, we don't learn much about Bateson's real thoughts, motivations. All by all this is a pretty dry book. This book has the merit of existing, yet for me, the author missed some opportunities here.
    While I recommend everyone interested in social sciences, communication, anthropology or psychology to read Bateson's books, there isn't much to learn from this book by reading 'about Bateson.'
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  • Bonnie Hutchinson, Transitions: Pathways to the Life and World Your Soul Desires
    5.0 out of 5 stars Practical steps to transformative change
    Reviewed in Canada on 20 June 2016
    This book is a jewel of clarity, insight and a step-by-step transformational process. I'm using it, not only in my own organization but with clients in senior roles in their organizations. The steps lead to profound changes in perception and motivation - and that leads to behaviour change. I've experienced it and witnessed. Thanks to Kegan and Lahey for building on their "Immunity to Change" process with this very specific and practical application.
  • D. Cook
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in India on 15 July 2016
    Very assessable
  • Dominique Arrighi de Casanova
    5.0 out of 5 stars Comment changer nos croyances erronées avec le langage comme point d'entrée
    Reviewed in France on 26 August 2013
    Voici une étape importante de ce que, rétrospectivement, on peut considérer comme un "work in progress". L'étape suivante, concrétisée par le livre "Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization", présente la forme aboutie d'un processus en 4 étapes pour faire émerger les croyances profondes erronées qui empêchent de mettre en place les comportements adaptés qu'une situation impose. Ce dernier livre développe davantage le point faible de celui objet de cette critique : la manière de désactiver ces croyances.
    Par rapport à "Immunity to change", la lecture de "How the way we talk..." nous conduit sur une voie intéressante que les auteurs, professeurs à Harvard ont abandonnée par la suite, et qui consiste à prendre le langage comme point d'entrée et témoin de l'évolution vers un rapport adaptée à la réalité, cheminement qui peut être individuel ou collectif. Il vaut, de ce point vue, d'être lu, en complément de leur dernier opus.
    Cette méthodologie aussi élégante que puissante ouvre un chemin de vérité et de liberté, ce qui n'est pas un mince apport. Pour ceux qui s'intéressent à l'apprentissage organisationnel ou à la conduite du changement, ils trouveront dans cette approche une brique qui apporte un complément opérationnel qui leur faisait défaut.
    L'écriture de ce livre est claire, très accessible et très didactique. On en ressort enrichi et enthousiaste à l'idée qu'il n'y a pas de fatalité à être contraint par nos schémas de pensée erronés.
  • Gary B. Cohen
    5.0 out of 5 stars How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation
    Reviewed in the United States on 18 June 2009
    One of the chief obstacles we face as executive coaches is the apparent inability and/or unwillingness of our clients to complete the changes to which they have given what appears to be whole-hearted endorsement and commitment. Without these fundamental changes taking place, the enterprise is often stuck in a rut of repetition and entropy.

    In this well-written and well-thought-out book, the authors present a new way of getting through any necessary change, by introducing the "Seven Languages of Transformation". We learn how the resistance to change is really a fundamental process of our personal "immune" system, and changes in individual behaviors are necessary to overcome this obstacle. The book is laid out in a step-by-step method to achieve these behavioral changes through seven new "languages" that we must learn to speak to ourselves and those we lead and coach.

    For example, the first new "language" they discuss is learning to take a "complaint" about something going wrong as actually a reflection of a "commitment" to a better way. The person making the complaint is asked to restate the complaint in the terms of the positive commitment that is implied. A negative situation is thus turned into a positive, transformational one that gets things going in the right direction for a change. The positive movement achieved by the application of each new "language" leads to the next mental hurdle, for which the authors provide another new "language" to handle. The book includes many step-by-step worksheets for the reader to use individually or with a partner, to apply the principles to a real-life problem they may be working through.

    The authors are developmental psychologists working chiefly in academia, so their examples are a little top-heavy with educational situations. The examples are universal and transferable to the business world, however, so this is a minor complaint. The book as a whole is quite free of psycho-babble and mumbo-jumbo, and can bring the reader to an exciting and novel way of changing the way we do business, and changing something fundamental in ourselves. I recommend it most highly. How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work: Seven Languages for Transformation
  • Amazon Customer
    3.0 out of 5 stars Not profound. More a reminder to what we forget
    Reviewed in Australia on 11 August 2014
    Probably worth 3 stars but no more. Basically a recollection of ideas and summary of points made by other authors on the topic. It is well written and seminal in the ability to span many disciplines to make some important points. But there are better books and this is more a reminder to what I had covered 10 years ago in the field of semiotics or communication in relation to change. Substantial work, but not making a significant, new contribution.